2 hours later:

Regretted nothing.

Reader-added tags include "Drip-dead gorgeous umbrella" (The Japanese idiom for "splendidly handsome" literally translates as "that even water drips off of"), "Drowning in an unexpected place", and "You're an umbrella, so of course you'd get wet".

The survey requests a brief recess:

What will you play on?
• Long slide
• High horizontal bars
• Long, high balance beam
• Giant jungle gym
• Super-high-speed revolving jungle gym

Would seven strips be enough to give the "I'm only seven years old" strips their own subpool?

Giant jungle jym, mate.